Emosional Atyachaar

I am back guys! Things have been pretty tight lately. There’s been a crackdown. Every player is looking over his shoulder. Nobody knows who I am. But I exist, right within them, right next to them. Every breath they take, every move they make. I am watching! And they know it. And they are scared. They are worried.

Now on to the cricket. What a match we had last evening. Lordie almost saw us through. After the match Dildo came down and chatted up with us. I think his IPL dreams are going up in smoke, and this time he ain’t doin’ the smokin’. Everyone was pretty down, most of all Lordie. He appeared really pissed after the match, I mean, so pissed that we had to wear the crotch guard near him. He didn’t quite scream and shout at anyone, but he was chillingly terrifying. Dildo shook hands with Lordie, exchanged a few words, but Lordie didn’t seem to respond too warmly. But, you know what, you got to hand it to the Sheikh. The man’s always thinking ahead of the rest. Imagine opening the bowling with Sheeghra-Patan when Calypso is on strike, and giving the super over to Akram Azam. Takes balls man. I think the difference b/w the two teams really boils down to leadership on the field. While the Sheikh controls the game from the ground, our game is controlled remotely. In a crunch situation, you can’t be looking to the stands for inspiration, right?

Team meetings had already become quite secretive over the last few days. Our 11 was announced about 20 minutes before the toss. Some of the guys being dropped made sense, but the ones replacing them baffled me. I can understand that you drop Shakespeare in a T20, but replacing him with Ganji Hanger makes no sense to me at all. It’s almost like discarding a scooter because it’s too slow and buying a moped instead. And I wonder how Kaan Moolo improved his cricket so fast to make yet another comeback. I have a feeling, he would be making comebacks even when my grand children are watching cricket. I was happy to see Chintu Singh in the squad though. He is young, talented, very accurate and regularly troubles even Calypso in the nets. I felt Lordie wanted either him or Little John to bowl the super over. And for when we were batting, Lordie was all ready to go in himself. He was all warmed up and stroking well and any man with half a brain would’ve sent him. But hey! In the era of IT, you got to go with what the laptop says, right? I am not sure how much the Sheikh owes his cricketing acumen to his “laptops”, tho’.

For tomorrow’s game, our fast bowlers spent time with Candy Nickle discussing Big Mac. He’s the big threat. We still don’t know our XI for tomorrow. But, since I haven’t been blogging lately, I had a lot of time to play captain..er… sorry…Coach. I’d bring in the reserve keeper for his lower order batting skills. Remember last season? But, I doubt if he will get in coz the coach’s laptop had crashed a few months ago, and all data from last season was lost.

Another sitting with the broadcasting folks has brought out some interesting facets of how thing’s work out here. Being right here, I can tell you that the grounds are pretty sparsely filled, especially during the first inning. But the broadcasting team has been told to keep talking about the excitement and the fever at the ground. The camera men have been instructed not to pan towards empty stands. And the producers keep telling the spectators to scream and shout when the cam pans to them. I don’t know what you guys sense on TV, but watching it from here, the so-called ‘excitement’ and ‘energy’ seems even faker than this blog. And the production staff has all the gossip. News is that the Sandy Maddy Babe bet is off, as more than one is claiming to have won. The joker, (the anchor mentioned in my previous post) is the butt of all jokes within the broadcasting team. There’s an assembly line of jokes on him and his knowledge of cricket. Apparently, when asked where long leg is, he pointed at Big Sister. I wonder if pointed at Dildo when asked abt Short Leg. News from the Bevdaas is that the Bevda has told Batlivala that his forced dry spell is responsible for his dry spell in the middle. Come on guys. You didn’t sign him on based on how good a Catholic he is, right? Let the bloke have his two drops of poison and score some runs for you.

Finally, blogging through SMSes was getting too tedious, tardy and fraught with risk. So, I have quit doing that. I have a new partner in crime. Can’t tell much abt him right now but he has introduced me to a technology which allows me to keep posting with minimal risk. This time round I won’t disclose my modus operadi as it may expose my partner. I have sworn to maintain his secrecy even if I am caught.

Laterzzz gentlemen.

P.S. I saw some of the comments. Let me tell you that I don’t twitter so the ID is fake. I am not on orkut or facebook. The only place where you find the Real Fake IPL Player is here.