Port Elizabeth – Here we come again

We are back in Port Elizabeth, the same place where we were revaged in full public view just a few days ago. The sight of Aila blasting the crap out of our bowlers is still quite fresh in our minds. Ironically, this time we face the only team we have beaten so far.

We had a training session at the ground. The Bubblies were there too. And it was fun observing them go about their drills for today’s game.

Prince Charles looked ominous. He was stroking the ball really well. I have a funny feeling that he will finish a career or two today. Appam Chutiya has started bowling in the nets and seems to be getting to match fitness. I think he may be back soon. So, all the best guys. Surprisingly though, he was quite well behaved, hardly ever acted himself at the nets. It’s amazing how each IPL season Appam seems to leapfrog a few stages of the evolution cycle. Last year, with just one tight slap he suddenly evolved from being an Ape to a Neanderthal. And the run-in with Re-Peter seems to have magically brought him to the Cave Man stage. If someone were to meet him for the first time today, he could almost mistake Appam to be a normal human being. RVR Sing, aka Pamela Inder Singh, was bowling his breasts out. Lady Jaya was a picture of concentration at the nets. Deeghra Patan was swinging the ball both ways in the nets. Even Arnold Power stretched a muscle of two. All in all, they looked like a happy bunch of guys at the moment. And, given our level of preparedness, we are unlikely to spoil their mood today.

The Rajpoots were out celebrating their victory last night. They were at P.E.’s favourite watering hole, 9 Yards. Some of the Dhakkans were there too. And since, nobody invites us anymore, thanks to yours truly, we had to find out where they are and landed up at the venue. Haven’t seen the Two Sisters and Big Brother in P.E. as yet. Are they are still in SA? The Sheikh was in full form though. With the Two Sisters missing, the Sheikh was compensating quality with quantity, sitting with a few arm candies, the Dhakkan coach and a young Aussie cricketer. The Dhakkans’ cheer leaders seemed to be working over time last night. Now we know why they are at the top of the table (hope Dildo’s listening). Dhakkans’ middle order batsman, Ghati Baba, was busy practicing his pick-up & throw skills with 2 of their cheerleaders. He sure doesn’t want to misfield another one in the 49th over, does he? It was Castro’s last night here and he sure was making it count. Being the class act that he is, even off the field he seemed to be aiming at the block-hole. Unfortunately, we have an early start today so had to return before things got really hot and out of control over there.

In our team, well, nobody has a frickin’ clue of what to do now. Not even one player – batsman or bowler – has performed so far. On what grounds do u drop anyone at all, or on what grounds do you select anyone? Last season, at least a couple of our players were close to getting into the Indian side. After this season, we don’t know if anyone from this team will make it to even next year’s IPL team. Our physio has confirmed that 3 support staff members will be sent back soon. And Bhookha Naan and his core group have already started their souvenier shopping. They have been politely spoken to by Boy George. Ironical again, coz even Boy should probably be on his way out. Lately, Dildo’s been asking him to justify a lot of the expenses and resources he has at his disposal. He seems to be the most stressed man in the squad at the moment.

Observing our team from a distance, it’s not hard to tell why we are the only side now with absolutely no chance of making it to the semis. The Phoren Babas hang out together, the support staff are in their own little world, the India rejects tend to stick together and the rest of us domestic players find comfort in each others’ company. Lordie usually finds someone in the opposing team to hang out with, like Prince Charles or Meera Bhai. There’s a very clear class system in our team. We truly are the Rainbow team in the Rainbow country. To tell you a secret, nobody in the team wants to hang around here any longer. We’d rather fly back and dance at a few weddings. If only we had the choice like some others do.

Skipper wants Bangla Tiger in the squad today. Candy Nickle spent a lot of time with him and while Deputy Coach spent time with the Springbok. One of them is definitely in today. Bangla adds zing to our bowling, while the Springbok has the experience of facing a bullet at point blank range and surviving – a skill that’ll come very handy while playing for our team.

Finally, it’s Calypso’s last game with us today. He’s been considerate enough to stay with us longer to help us win a match or two. The extra two matches also fatten up his bank a/c substantially, but I am sure that would have hardly crossed his mind given the selfless person he is. Calypso has promised to throw a lavish party for us tonight if we win the game. Sure maan! That’s the incentive we’ve been looking for all this while.

Amen!