The last leg

Published on May 17, 2009 in IPL 2009 and Latest. 586 Comments

Time’s really running out for us now and we need to catch up on so many important things. Like last minute shopping, enjoying the massages and spas, trying our luck with the ladies etc. Many of the boys have been busy doing a combination of all of these with varying degrees of success. In between all this, there was the small matter of losing yet another match in the final over. Which was duly done and dusted, and now we are back to our main occupation, looking for deals and some action on the side.

About the last match, well, it’s now safe to assume that team selection has hardly played a role in our performance. No matter who played, no matter who opened, no matter who bowled the last over, the result would always have been the same. If it were not for Chatterjee Kaku’s good wishes and Indra Devta’s blessings, we may have even returned without any points. Now, that would have been a fitting return gift to Dildo, wouldn’t it?

We were all gutted after the last match. There are 3 losses that have hurt us the most and this is one of them. Style Bhai got really heated up after the match, ranting about the fast bowlers, batsmen, coaching staff, almost everyone barring himself. The Coach reacted to it but was rudely interrupted by Kaan Moolo with his own cribs and complaints. This is probably one of the few matches in his entire career when Kaan Moolo is not directly responsible for the defeat and he certainly wasn’t letting go off this opportunity. He blasted off on a tangent accusing the Phoren Babas and their way of doing things. Mangal added a few choice words of his own in Hindi before we boarded our coach. Lordie just sat there observing and eventually walked off with a slight shrug. I can just sense how much he is enjoying this whole drama. He’s got that ‘I told you so’ look about him these days. Last seen, Boy George was translating Mangal’s words to Coach and Bhookha.

At the start of the last over, a couple of us in the dug out had in fact noticed that something was wrong with the field. One of us (and I am not naming him now for a reason which you will probably know later) also tried to draw the Phoren Babas attention to it, but was completely ignored. And the rest is history. If only there was a little more faith in our opinion, we could have at least won one proper match.

Apparently, losing to us is now being viewed as an offence that may warrant capital punishment. Dhakkans’ Big Boss had threatened their coach with dire consequences if they lost to us. The coach transferred the heat onto 3-4 young Indian batsmen who comprise their lower middle order. They were asked to shape up or be shipped out. I personally think this kind of talk may work in an Australian environment, but can really backfire in India. And it almost did. While they should thank Ghati Baba for saving their asses, a bottle of wine for the Skipper and a bouquet of roses for Bangla may not be out of order either. Too bad that the Bubblies weren’t as obliging today.

Personally, I am most pissed with Dildo’s indifference to our plight. At least the Bubblies have someone nice and cuddly to hug after a loss. Who do we have? Bhookha? I don’t see anyone hugging Bhookha and risking injury by getting poked in the heart by his bony ribcage. Dildo could have at least gifted us some nice teddy bears before leaving.

Lately, Bhookha’s often seen walking up and down corridors late at night mumbling something to himself. Plus, he really believes that he won’t be sacked. I am getting seriously concerned about his mental health now.

Thankfully, someone has taken mercy at our misery and decided to give us some company by losing matches from winning positions. Thanks to the Desis, it’s not lonely at the bottom anymore. Btw, there are murmurs of dissent against Aila. Many in the team believe Aila’s decisions have ended their tournament. The foreign players are a little more vocal about it, but even the desi players have started cribbing. However, most of it is behind closed doors at the moment and out of the public eye.

Bevdaas are on a high, quite literally. Batlivala threw them a grand party after the last match. There was wine, there were women and anything else that young sportsmen with high testesterone need. For guys like Chirkut Teli these parties are godsent as they are saved the pain of fending for themselves in night clubs. No better way to motivate the boys, right? Wish Dildo was here and learning some tricks for next year’s campaign. I have a feeling that the Bevdaas will lose the rest of their games. I love it when, as soon as Batlivala starts gloating about his team, they bring him crashing down.

Style Bhai, known for his love for the good life, has started sending feelers to Batlivala for next season. He doesn’t want to miss out on these parties, does he? Little John also has spoken to Sheru and wants a transfer to Dilwales next season. With Sticky joining the team, he doesn’t want to end up bowling at him only at nets, I guess.

A few answers to your comments now.

Hardik, thanks for suggesting this poll that made me look like a narcissist, as accused by Roshni. I have taken it off.

Anjali, u want me to write abt zoozoos. Who the hell is he? I thought I am the only one giving names here.

Abhi, thanks for continuing to visit the blog and leaving long comments despite the fact that u find the blog boring and my identity fake. I have always believed that guys like you are keeping this blog alive. I look forward to your continued partonage. Plus, I am neither plural nor in California.

Finally, our campaign is coming to an end. Just 2 more matches to go and then we are off. My day of revelation is also coming closer. I spent a lot of time over the last couple of days on the issue. Whether I should or shouldn’t? If I do disclose, should I do it while I am here or after returning home? So many questions with no answers. Wednesday is the day guys when I come out of the closet, if I do.

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