Originally published in the Mirror Click here
Reality TV star Greg Chappell has landed himself another job where he’ll do what he does best – do a whole lot of talking without any actual accountability for results. He has been allowed entry into the Australian dressing room with the job of demystifying Sachin Tendulkar. Like after 22 years and 184 test matches, there is anything left to demystify about his batting.
If you can ignore your negative feelings for Chappell, you can see the reason why Cricket Australia has picked him for the job. Other than having been a brilliant batsman in his time, Chappell also has to his credit the distinction of messing with Tendulkar’s mind as coach of India like no other bowler has ever done.
And if you thought that Chappell can unearth nothing except what we already know about Sachin’s vulnerability to the ball cuts back and that he can be lured into driving away from his body, you are wrong.
As per reports emerging from the Australian camp, Chappell has already given a couple of lectures on his chosen subject. Using graphs, archive footage of Sachin’s batting, and a detailed cluster analysis of his scores, Chappell has shown how Sachin is most vulnerable in his 90s. As per his strategy, the Australian bowlers should let him get to the 90s as early as possible and then plot his dismissal.
In a special session with captain Michael Clarke, Chappell drew upon his personal experience and disclosed that Tendulkar can be tamed if he is made to bat at a position he doesn’t like. Clarke is said to have approached Dhoni asking if he would be willing to play Tendulkar at No. 6 in exchange for allowing Chappell unrestricted access to the Australian players, something he knows is more advantageous to India than anyone else.
Ishant ‘Smart Alec’ Sharma
After four years of international cricket, Ishant Sharma has come of age like only an Indian fast bowler can. In this time, he has lost pace, zing, movement, wickets, and his hair. The only thing he still has from that dizzy 2007-08 season is that Adam’s Apple of his, which the World Human Anatomy Institute wants to rechristen as the Ishant’s Apple.
In these four years he has, however, learnt how to talk smart. Recently, he said that the Australians are better at playing mind games than the game itself. And to prove how grievously injuring their mind games can be, he has got himself injured before bowling even a single ball.
Mental disintegration Dravid style
When Steve Waugh came up with his mental disintegration theory, he had no idea the guy who would write the foreword in his autobiography would also turn it on its head and make it his own.
In his Sir Don Bradman Oratory, Rahul Dravid has re-invented that pop classic ‘Killing me softly’. By citing how Indians and Australians have fought shoulder to shoulder in the two world wars, how Australia was the first country the Indian team toured as an independent nation, how thousands of fans were dejected at Bradman’s snub in Calcutta, and how Bradman was our pre-independence symbol of fighting the oppressor, Dravid has made the Indian team an object of love and affection in the Australian cricketers hearts.
Reports suggest Siddle starts weeping as soon as he sees Dravid and Warner now sleeps with a teddy bear with Viru embroidered across its chest.
Statue of a statue
A statue of Shane Warne at the MCG was unveiled this week. This is the first ever statue of a statue, which is what Warne has become after Liz Hurley personally sculpted him into a “bronze statue” vaguely resembling Shane Warne.
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