IPL may do away with cricket

Originally published in the Mirror

Last week, Bangalore was host to a cricket event that took the country by storm. Observers say that it was the most exciting and compelling cricket that India has produced since the world cup win. It was the IPL auctions.

In fact, so exciting was it that the BCCI is mulling the idea of scrapping the unnecessary cricket matches and converting IPL into a series of auctions.

N. Srinivasan’s astrologer is expected to decide on this soon.

Smart boys making smart buys
As has been customary over the last four seasons, the IPL teams showed up in full force with a collective IQ of one Chihuahua, with due apologies to all Chihuahuas around the world.

Sample this:
• World cup giant slayer, Irishman Kevin O’Brian, pegged at $50,000, went unsold. But, West Indian all-rounder Andre Russell was bought for $450,000
• Two players available for the entire tournament, Big Bash League hero Owais Shah went unsold and big hitter Herschelle Gibbs went for $50,000. While, Mahela Jayawardene, who is juggling national captaincy and is unlikely to be available for the entire tournament, was bought for $1.4 million.
• Pace sensation Vernon Philander was unsold, while Sri Lankan medium pacer Thisara Perera was bought for $650,000.
• Vinay Kumar went for $1 Million and RP Singh for $600,000. Enough said!

Classic KKR
Following up on the great success Mumbai-based spinner Iqbal Abdullah has had with the team, Kolkata Knight Riders wanted to add another spinner from western India to their ranks.

So, in their collective wisdom they decided to buy West Indian leggie Sunil Narine for $700,000.

“May be we can invoke the principles of ‘natural justice’ and pass him off as an Indian player,” they were overheard saying later.

Patriotism stretched too far
The teams ignored all recent India tormentors, including Englishmen like James Anderson, Ian Bell Graeme Swann, and Australian Peter Siddle.

Why Ravi Bopara was included in this list of tormentors is proving difficult to understand.

Bopara had first shunned the IPL to focus on his international career, only to be shunned by the English team forcing him to focus on his IPL career, only to be eventually shunned by the IPL as well.

Now he must truly know what it feels to be an immigrant.

The mysterious case of Sahara
As the mystery unfolds, the reason behind Sahara’s melodramatic pullout is finally coming to light.

It turns out that the last straw for Sahara Shri Subroto Roy was the midnight phone call he made to BCCI chief N. Srinivasan to tell him that he was pulling out. And Srinivasan allegedly responded with “Well done!”

“It was Subroto. It was midnight. What else do you expect me to assume?” Srini asked as he threw up his hands in exasperation.

In Srini’s defence, the term ‘pullout’ deserved better clarification.

Viru, the teacher
Apparently, Indian opener Virender Sehwag has been giving batting lessons to actor Randeep Hooda, preparing him for the role of a cricketer in his upcoming film ‘Heroine’, which also stars Kareena Kapoor and Arjun Rampal.

As news of Sehwag’s involvement spread across film circles, director Madhur Bhandarkar was bombarded with phone calls from across the country asking if he was making a short film this time.

You can listen to the Fake IPL Player’s live wacky commentary during match hours on www.pitchinvasion.in