Things that might happen on the day Dravid retires

Originally published in the Mirror Click here

Today is likely to be a big day for Indian cricket. Rahul Dravid and BCCI president Mr. N. Srinivasan are set to address the press at the Chinnaswamy Stadium in Bangalore.

Since good things rarely happen to Indian cricket fans, one can safely assume Mr. N. Srinivasan won’t be announcing his retirement from cricket, but India’s greatest ever No. 3 batsman will bring down the curtain on a glittering 16-year international career.

The man who Sourav Ganguly called his biggest match winner, Dravid was the bulwark of Indian batting during India’s golden run in overseas tests in the 2000s.

Amongst many other memorable knocks, Dravid will always be remembered for the 180 he scored in Kolkata when Laxman scored 281, the 153 in Hyderabad when Sachin scored 186, and the 145 in Taunton when Ganguly scored 183.

Given the track record, punters are betting on something else happening today that’ll push the Dravid retirement off the front pages.

Some of the events being punted on are:
1. Tendulkar finally scores the century. Arjun Tendulkar, that is.
2. In an epic battle between two slappees, Shirish Kunder slaps Sreesanth.
3. Poonam Pandey finally does what she has been promising for a year, only to reveal that she is actually a he.
4. As a show of solidarity for his good mate Mahela Jayawardene, Kumar Sangakarra changes his name to Kumari Sangakarra.
5. A TV channel launches a reality show called Mayawati ka Swayamvar.
6. The other Rahul, who shall remain unnamed to avoid Kapil Sibal’s wrath, retires.

Experts believe that Dravid’s modest returns in the Australia tour in which he scored 194 runs in 8 innings may have led him to the decision.

In a case of mistaken identity, Congress leader Digvijay Singh has taken responsibility for Rahul’s Australia series.

Social media impact: Facebook to rename its Wall ‘The Dravid’.

Chris can. And he does.
Former New Zealand all-rounder Chris Cairns may soon be immortalised in India.

A proposal within the BCCI recommends renaming them as the Board of Chris Cairns in India. The honour is in recognition of Cairns’ achievement in doing what the BCCI has failed to do over the last two years – drag Lalit Modi to court.

Chris Cairns is suing the former IPL Commissioner in London over a 2010 tweet that suggested his involvement in match-fixing activity during his time as captain of the Chandigarh Lions in the ICL.

This is the root of all evil - Lalit Modi

In keeping with the trending topic, Lalit Modi has decided to retire from Twitter. He has requested Mr. N. Srinivasan to sit by him while he announces his retirement, via a tweet.

Social media impact: Twitter, in memory of Lalit Modi, has decided to add a self-destruct button. They will call it ‘The Modi’.

Oh no, it’s Greg again!
India is to Greg Chappell what clothes are to Poonam Pandey. Every time he wants to be in the news, he takes off on India.

This time round, while peddling his new book that obviously needs some desperate peddling, Chappell said that Indians lack leadership skills.

Junk this Greg

“The culture of India is such that, if you put your head above the parapet someone will shoot it. Knock your head off. So they learn to keep their head down and not take responsibility,” Chappell said, showing signs that he has stopped his medication and re-started his video game bingeing.

Social media impact: Gmail renames its junk folder ‘The Greg’.

You can listen to the Fake IPL Player’s live wacky cricket commentary during match hours on

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