The drama unfolds

Earlier, on Fake IPL Player’s fanstation post:

Don’t believe the advertisements, there’s no mineral water brand that’s uniting the teams. There are 2 cliques – the big three and the bottom three. Of the three remaining fence sitters, the Bengali stud Macho Da will prove to be decisive. At the moment, he’s looking for an invitation to join the big three. If he doesn’t see it coming, he might jump on to the other side spoiling the carefully manufactured balance.

The drama will unfold over the next six weeks.

And, as predicted, the drama has begun unfolding.

Good luck chuck
Out of the sea of chuckers operating in this tournament, a bowler from the Ponies suddenly got reported for suspect action. And, guess what? It’s immediately after a game in which he plays a decisive role in beating the team that think it’s their birth right to win every match. Like, them losing a game is against the rules or something. And, guess what? It’s just a few days before they are to meet again. Almost like an insurance against losing the next time round.

I think we all know who we are talking about here and we also know who was behind this sudden and unexpected act of altruism on the part of the umpires.

Lordie heard about his bowler being reported minutes before he boarded the team bus. Apparently, it was time enough for him to find the referee and let him known that, if others don’t get reported too, he will find himself deported before he can say pudhe chala.

“He will play. He will also bowl. And, if he is called for chucking, I’ll take my team off the field,” Lordie said the next day.

By evening, the matter had reached Macho Da’s ears. By morning, the umpires had heard about it. By the time the game started, they had been told to take it easy on the guy. But only for this game.

The game went by peacefully. But, this wasn’t the game for which he was reported in the first place. It was for the next one when the return leg happened.

The evening before the return leg, the grapevine was that the umpires were sure to no-ball him in the next game, if he bowled again. And a walkout wasn’t going to scare them. In fact, some within the MCBCI thought a walkout might just be the steroid this insipid soap opera season needs.

Lordie knew a threat wouldn’t work this time. He didn’t want to walkout in the first place. He wanted the two points. That’s two points closer to that elusive top four slot. He doesn’t want to leave it to any chance this time round.

He did what he does second best. Make a phone call.

Half an hour later, Macho Da was on the phone with Humpty Dumpty. Promises made just a few weeks ago were reminded. Threats made before that were reinforced. Humpty Dumpty tried to convince Macho Da that Brainy had nothing to do with the reporting of action, nor could he do anything to prevent it. Both knew he was lying.

After a series of overnight phone calls, the hitmen were called off.

The next day, Mr. Fry Chucker played, bowled, and was not called. However the Ponies still lost the game.

The Haves continue to have it their way
TV experts are talking about how, as the tournament progresses, the better teams (read the ‘haves’) have started their upward climb and how the weaker teams (read the ‘have nots’) are finding it difficult to sustain their winning momentum. To put it mildly, it’s just bull excreta.

There’s a common feeling amongst the ‘have nots’ that they are fighting several external forces. Umpires, especially the Indian ones, seem to be straight out of 80s Pakistan. To even get a clean bowled ruled in their favour against a top ‘haves team’ batsman isn’t guaranteed. It almost seems that the umpires look at which camp Humpty Dumpty is sitting in for cues as to which way their decisions should go. There’s a common joke going around amongst players of the ‘have nots’ that they may as well hand over the trophy to the team whose turn it is to win this time before the tournament even begins.

The irony of the situation is that the team whose turn it is this time seems to be chopping its own legs off. And now even their slinger is missing a finger.

Paranormal activity

Activity 1:
Captain Thappad Singh spins the coin. With Borestri already bleating into the microphone nobody can hear the other captain Laughter Jr.’s call.

“Heads is the call. Heads it is. Thappad has won the toss,” Borestri said without pausing for breath or phlegm.

Laughter Jr. just stood there bemused as Thappad chose to bat.

Activity 2:
Lordie spins the coin. Sheru calls tails.

Referee looks down at the coin. “Tails. Lordie has won.”

“He said tails,” Lordie clarifies.

Referee looks at the coin again and says, “It’s heads. You’ve won.”

Shit? Or suspicious? You decide.

Disclaimer: Fake is stranger than fiction and more believable than fact.