While the IPL closing ceremony is on, I am pleased to share with you an exciting piece of news. IPL’s FIP Reader’s Choice Awards will be given in a glittering function at the Buckingham Palace Lawns on 4th June. The Queen and the Prince have declined their presence because of prior engagements. However, the rest of the glitterati are expected to attend the event in full splendour.
True to his style Saala Slimeball has already ordered for a gold coloured Shamiana studded with all sorts of stones. The brief is to make something more hideous than the trophy itself, which will take some doing I tell you. The Shamiana vala is currently busy slapping all the sponsors’ logos on gold sheets. All speeches at the event are sponsored by Sprite, which automatically disqualifies Slimeball from giving this customary Thank You speech. Kishen Kanhaiyya lost the job as soon as he said “I will be there like a tracer bullet”. And Nanny Horrible-son was, at the time, trying out his latest stunt of lifting 4 cheerleaders on his shoulders and 2 on his lap, and couldn’t muster up a good enough reply. The show will now be anchored by all Set Max anchors. Doesn’t get straighter than this as they know all TVs would in any case be on Mute.
As readers of this blog, you have the privilege of knowing all the winners well in advance because, well, you guys have picked them anyway.
IPL FIP’s READER’S CHOICE AWARDS
Pair pe kulhaadi Award:
Appam Chutiya for his marathon run after claiming wicket of Cool Dude and ruining own prospects in Indian team.
Contributed by Vimmmie
Best Dialouge in an action sequence:
Little John to Bookha Naan where Little John barges into his room and says “You say new pitch, but it’s old pitch. How you say how to do balling when you don’t know pitch.”
Contributed by Srikanth
Best motivational speech Award:
Prince to whole of Bubblies team referring to Appam “Attitude toh poora Masala Dosa type deta hai aur bowling Appam type karta hai”
The comment that changed Appam’s destiny.
Lifetime achievement Award:
Lordie (ahem! its a sign that its time to go home and rest those old bones)
Contributed by Ninaonia and Sandeep
OK Saabun ‘Sachmuch Kaafi Bada Hai’ Award:
RVR Singh aka Pamela Inder Singh
Contributed by Zphyrblog
Lux Cozy ‘Apna luck saath leke chalo’ Award: Kishen Kanhaiya
Contributed by Zphyrblog
Appam Chutiya for proving that jeet ke bhi haarne wale ko chutiya kehte hain, for reasons mentioned in the first award.
Contributed by Anonymous
Haath mein aaya par muh na laga paaya Award:
Cool Dude (2nd time now!)
Contributed by Aar Jay
Most insightful commentator Award: (Jointly held)
Ramiz Raja for the comment on Amit Mishra:”Amit Mishra can spin the ball”
Mbwanga for the comment during the semifinals: “Chennai would like to win the match”
Alistair Campbell for “2 overs remaining. That’s 12 balls folks”
L Sivaramakrishnan:”These are crucial times. Last 10 overs”
(All commentators awards contributed by Sanks)
Aaj Tak Sabse Tez Award:
Lordie, the Agile Tiger (only after getting a wicket)
Contributed by Upneet Grover
Chutiyaap: Ye chhooney se nahin failta Award:
Appam Chutiya’s chutiyaap, else the whole Bubblies’ team would have been appams by now
Contributed by Upneet Grover
Best Night Rider Award:
Sheikh (for obvious reasons)
Award for Contribution to Indian Cricket:
Saala Slimeball for running the IPL that’s made sure that Prince will never captain India
Appam Chutiya Award:
Prince of Patiala, jiska Cool Dude ne phir chutiya kaat diya
Har Bhajan Award:
Appam Chutiya for slapping FIP with that one magic ball to Cool Dude
Order of the British Empire (OBE): (Thanks Tathagat)
Bhookha Naan for the 21st century version of divide and rule
Astrologer of the Year:
Cyrus Memorial Bakra Award:
Kingfisher Free Miles Award:
Our entire team
Colgate Last Laugh Award:
Sorry Dildo, you dont win any awards this year, so you can throw away that speech you wrote and rehearsed in the loo!
Contributed by Ninaonia
Lifetime Achievement Award Should go to FIP. coz i dont think u have achieved nethng bigger than this blog yet in ur life.! no offence!!
Contributed by Manan
@Manan: While you are spot on in your assumption of FIP’s achievements, but organisers and people associated with the award function aren’t eligible.
BEST PALTIBAAJ Award..to FIP for a 360degree change on backtracking from his decision to disclose his identity..
Contributed by Devilinside
@Devilinside: A 360 degree turn essentially brings you back to your original position, so where’s the palti my friend? Anyway, your mistake is ignored here since you too are the “devil inside”
(Also, please read Rahul D’s award list in the comments section (4th page). They are hillarious)
Anyway folks, IPL’s over. An extravaganza that’s successfully converted India’s cricket and entertainment economy into political power across the cricket playing world. A showcase of India’s economic prowess like none other. We’re happening and the world knows it. This IPL has been fun and we all know there’s more to come.
I will be away for a while now, but I will be back before you can say Blueberry Pie. Can’t tell you exactly when I will return though. But keep checking in once in a while and I may just surprise you.
Till we meet again, good bye and good luck.(1000)