Archive for the 'IPL 2009' Category

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We Play Today Again

Published on April 21, 2009 in IPL 2009 and Latest. 87 Comments

It’s past 7 am. We had an early training session today. There was a drizzle throughout and the rain seems to have become harder. Some of us have just returned from the session while some others are still at it. Honing their skills for the match today. This is the one match that everyone believes we can win. There are just 2-3 opposing players to take care of while they bat. And their bowling is pretty weak. So, we have a chance today and everyone seems to think so. But, only if the weather gods permit.

Last night some senior players met with the management to discuss this blog. Apparently, some Bengali journalist heard about this blog from his friend in India. The news spread fast amongst the journalistic circles. Initially, they suspected someone within their fraternity to be doing so. Some of the stuff written on the blog seemed to match the grapevine that they had heard too. One of them went and asked one senior player about it. Who, apparently, asked “Eyi Blog Maane Kee?”. Eventually, it was reported to the management and the CEO with his team took a look at it. They want to catch me within 24 hours. And a witch hunt is on. There are 4 suspects. The funny thing is that I am not on the list. Unfortunately, they are going after young players who seem to match my description (as described in the blog). Has it occurred to anyone that I might have described myself incorrectly to hide my identity? Little John was called to enquire who all were there when he was talking about his friendly chat with the coach. But there were 9 people in the room at the time. Anyway, I hope no young, promising player gets penalised for my actions. I hope better sense prevails amongst the management.

The only drawback of all the attention is that I will have to be much more discreet in posting my blogs. And I will only write about things that others in the team also know. The other drawback is that team meetings are much more secretive now. We still don’t know who all are playing today. But, going by how the guys were practicing, I get a feeling that the skipper is not going to keep today. Also, one new bowler will get a look in – either our spin bowling will be made stronger or the Bangla Tiger will get a look in (depending on the conditions). Due to the weather, nobody’s had a look at the wicket yet. So far, spinners seem to be winning matches for their respective teams. So, there’s the thought of including Junta Tormentor in the side. (I couldn’t believe that he was left out in the first place). But again, this is Durban and if the pitch plays to reputation our Bangla Tiger will be quite a handful. Either of these 2 guys is definitely in, depending on how our coach reads the pitch. Did you know, he is the only man in the world who can read the pitch on his laptop?

Off to breakfast. Our game starts at 12.30 pm (local time). We will head to the ground at 10.30 am. And that’s where the final XI will be announced. Although, there’s one thing I already know about the Final XI – I am not in :-)

Match Eve

Published on April 21, 2009 in IPL 2009 and Latest. 38 Comments

It’s been a fairly uneventful day really. Everybody’s going about doing his own thing. No fireworks, no discussions. The team meeting happened on schedule and everyone was there. Before the meeting, everybody seemed good spirits. There was banter, all in good humour. I tell you, this Calypso King is the most interesting character I have ever met. He is really funny… I mean… rrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeaaallllly funny. And he has this poker faced way of ribbing people that had everyone in splits before Coachie reminded us that we are with this team by starting his first set of rambles on what went wrong yesterday. He has good memory though. He even remembers the number of times a batsman adjusts his crotch guard. He has come up with the most innovative strategy ever for tomorrow’s match. Tomorrow, we will aproach our innings very ingenously. If we lose an early wicket or two during powerplay, we will consolidate the inning rather than go for maximum. Man, nobody ever thought this before. Also, the skip may not keep, the young aussie may not play, and the Bangla Tiger may get a look in. So expect a couple of major changes tomorrow. The 11 will be announced at our last meeting before the match – 2 hrs from time of play.

By the way, I am remembering Chatterjee Kaku who tells us on TV, “iss baar tum bhi jeetoge”. I want to ask him whether that ad was recorded recently or before the last IPL. Sure doesn’t look like he is referring to IPL 2009.

The Wright Way

Published on April 20, 2009 in IPL 2009 and Latest. 47 Comments

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am a little stunned by all the attention being bestowed upon me. I mean, I never really expected this. I started this blog only to vent out my frustration. I never wanted this to become so talked about. I woke up today with just one follower on my blog. Right now, just after dinner, I have 17. Is the blog getting too big for me? Am I creating my own Frankenstein? I thought about stopping this altogether. But I believe in doing the right thing. I also believe that while doing the right thing is important, it’s equally important to do it the right way. I think the time’s right for me to do the right thing the right way. Please read the disclaimer given below.

DISCLAIMER
All characters appearing in this work (blog) are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional.

Danke / Merci

P.S. Let the blogs go on… :-)

Durban… Raining here as well

Published on April 20, 2009 in Best of FIP, IPL 2009 and Latest. 49 Comments

Landed in Durban. A 2-hour flight, made shorter by the quick nap I took and some excitement just as we had started to descend. Our main spinner has been seen getting quite cosy with the new establishment. The spinner was also there at Opium last night celebrating our defeat. If you think of it, most of the guys there were from the defeated teams.

One of the Lordie’s boys (a batsman) commented on the spinner saying that he should get some sleep on the flight coz he hasn’t slept since he came to SA (apparently). To which the spinner responded saying “At least I don’t go to sleep while batting or bowling”. It was as bad as bowling a beamer. Lordie’s boy reacted just as any batsman would and was ready to get up from his seat and confront the spinner. Lordie had to intervene, said something to the boy and pacified him. I was sooo looking forward to an altercation. Would have added so much more spice to this post.

Lordie has been conducting himself really well. I must say. He has swallowed his pride, is being very cordial to the new establishment, even offers tips to the new skipper (which the skipper puts in the trash can anyway). On the whole, I am getting quite fond of Lordie as well as the new skipper. Both are nice blokes. But I just don’t like the Coach and his entourage. They hang out together, almost like its’ a Us vs Them. They are all the time talking amongst themselves, in a low pitch so no one can hear. We are quite suspitious of the lot.

Our back up keeper tells me that Badshah Dildo called up Coachie in the morning and told him what he thinks of our performance yesterday. Not that it was needed coz we could all see how we have performed. I think his patience is going to run thin this time round. Coach hasn’t spoken to anyone since last night’s defeat. He was on his laptop the entire time that I have seen him today. I think he wants to send his laptop in to bat in the next time, given the amount of time he spends with it. May be if he spent half that time with us players, we may win a match or two.

By the way, it’s raining in Durban as well. I hope it rains tomorrow and the match’s called off. At least we’ll get a point. I don’t see any other way out for us.

Will update you once we have our team meeting later today. Till then, adios!

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Opium Night

Published on April 20, 2009 in Best of FIP, IPL 2009 and Latest. 89 Comments

As I write this I am nursing a slight hangover and sleep deprivation. It’s 6.30 am here, I have just woken up. My roomie is still asleep so it gives me a good chance of posting this blog. I went out clubbing last night, returned at 4.30, barely managed to sleep for a couple of hours and here I am. Not that I have much to do here, so I can peacefully sleep through the day without anyone noticing. The only problem is that we leave for Durban today morning to play the Bubblies. Now, that will be something.

I have hit it off well with the Sports Management company manager who handles our PR. He is a smart young MBA-type Bombayite. Good sense of humour, must be good with the ladies, knows all the hot spots to go to. Good guy to know. He invited me to join him downtown for a night out at a club.

We took a cab to Opium. And what a club it is. I mean, I have never seen a club as pulsating as Opium. The club was packed, the crowd was trendy and chic, the babes were hot and slutty, there was a live band playing. I mean, the place was happening.

And guess what. The most colourful characters of IPL were there. At the entrance, we had our Kishen Kanhaiyya commentator standing right in front of me. Can’t miss him with his height, pot belly and receding hairline. Thanks to my Sports Manager friend, we got in without paying. Inside, some of the bubblies were there. Prince of Patiala was there with some of his team boys. All tall fast bowlers. They were gawking at all the sexy babes on the dance floor. Prince though seems to attract a lot of attention from the ladies. Appam Chutiya was also there. I don’t know what he is doing in SA coz he aint fit to play at all. Apparently, he is their main cheerleader. If so, I don’t see him dancing around in mini skirts at the boundary line. But he sure was dancing here. Doing his stupid, ill-rhythmed break dance steps on club beats. He stood in one corner as if he doesn’t want to get mobbed. But dude, nobody here cares a fuck for who you are. To them you are just a duffus with colored hair, glasses and strange dance steps. I went to the bar counter to get myself a drink. I overheard 2 girls talking. One of them seemed to be of Indian origin. They were talking about Appam Chutiya. One of them said that “he doesn’t have a nose. He has 2 large holes instead of a nose”. I burst out laughing. Kishen Kanhaiyya (KK) commentator hung around the bar with a 30+ well endowed white woman. She wore a sleeveless dress, full length with a generous neckline. KK seemed to be going for the kill. The prey in this case was happy enough to be hunted. They left the place together around 1 am. The Patiala Prince’s gang was hanging around like a pack of hyenas. They would be gawking at any piece of meat walking by. Eventually, the Prince went in to get his share of the meat, a couple of others tried their luck. The rest went back to the rooms with nothing but their bats in their hands.

As for me, I got what I wanted. My 2 hours of sleep. Now, I pack my bags and am on to Durban.

More later guys. Take care.

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I knew it!

Published on April 20, 2009 in Best of FIP, IPL 2009 and Latest. 24 Comments

Didn’t I tell you all along that we have no chance in hell to do better than last time round. But now I am changing my prediction. We will be last placed in this IPL. Haha! Lovely. What do you expect from a team that’s as confused as a…well… uh… I can’t think of anything as confused as our team, but I think you get the point. We knew who all are playing and detailed strategies were worked out for every opposition player. As for our batting, we knew exactly how to approach our inning. Play your strokes in the first 6, get to about 50-1. Then Lordie guides the middle order through. Keep wickets till the 15th. And then go hammer and tongs. Brilliant strategy coachie. But for one small problem. What happens if we are 20-3 off 8. We hadn’t planned for that. So, one player walks in and starts auditioning for a test match role. When he gets out, the next one walks in and wallops a six off the first ball. And then, predictably gets out. To each his own, that seemed to be the mantra. Thanks to Little John and co. we managed to get to 3 figures. Between the innings, while coachie was deep in his thoughts on how to philosophise our beautiful batting display, his deputy and the skipper gave their pep talks. They were seen in animated discussions with our fast bowling attack comprising India’s best fast bowler, a good India prospect and a former India fast bowler who will remain a former India fast bowler for the rest of his career. All strategies were put to rest while on the field and we were finished.

Our owner, Badshah Dildo didn’t make an appearance after the match. There was a bit of stillness about things. Nobody talked too much. Lordie didn’t gloat at all, possibly because of his own miserable score. The setting was right for him to play a magical inning and show Dildo what he’s all about. The Coach was shitting bricks, I think. You can’t tell much from his exterior, but it’s the Coach who is running the show now and he has to take the flak. He had told Dildo that if Dildo wants the IPL, he’s got to let him run it his way. Otherwise, he can’t guarantee the IPL. But now, he’s got everything he wanted. He has his own entourage, most of whom do nothing but lob balls during fielding practice. Dildo’s paying for everything. He’s got his own captain. He has his team. Now all that’s required is for us to win a match or two. I think we have a chance against the Bubblies from land of 5 rivers. But even then, if Prince of Patiala gets going, we are finished.

Dildo’s cold shoulder’s going to hurt for a long time. I am waiting to see if he hangs around in SA after we lose the first 3 matches.

We are now back in our hotel rooms. Just generally chilling out. And planning for the exciting night ahead.

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Load Shedding

Published on April 19, 2009 in IPL 2009 and Latest. 21 Comments

Load shedding! The word I heard a lot as I was growing up in Cal. It has happened right here in Cape Town. One of the lights went out and they were trying to fix it. Imagine. The whole day it rained. When the rain stopped the lights went out. Shit! That meant our owner Dildo came over to the dug out and ate our heads out. With all that attitude, jumping around, hugging, stupid jokes, pep talk etc etc. The most excited was our new buddy from Bangladesh. Clicking pictures with the star.

The light’s almost fixed now. I will rush back. And guys! A big surprise. I am sending this from the Coach’s laptop. The guy roams with a global internet sim card, all charged to Dildo bhaiyya! Haha. Mr. Gavaskar, pls write about this…

Rains and ruins

Published on April 19, 2009 in IPL 2009 and Latest. 11 Comments

It’s 2.45 pm here. We were supposed to leave for the ground at 2.45 pm. Most of us assembled at our hotel lobby at 2.30 as scheduled. We waited on for 10 minutes for the big boys to arrive. Then Mr Kaan Moolo, the former India fast bowler who built his career sucking the lord’s dick told us that there’s been a change in plan. Now, we will leave at 3.15. So, we are back in our rooms. Apparently, Vinnie Dildo (our owner) is here. He is sitting with the coach, phoren babas and Lordie himself. I wonder if Little John’s little act of mutiny has anything to do with it. For now, we just sit around twiddling our thumbs.

It’s still raining here. I can’t see how we will get a game… As for me, I am looking forward to seeing Preity Zinta from closer quarters. Wanna see if her skin really glows the way it does on screen… I have the hots for her.

I don’t know if I’ll get to post before the match now. But I am carrying my laptop in my kit. If I get a connection there and if nobody’s watching, I may just slip in a post.

Till then…alvida!

First sign of dissent

Published on April 19, 2009 in Best of FIP, IPL 2009 and Latest. 36 Comments

Guys, the first sign of dissent against the New Order. Not surprisingly, the one Indian who can take his place for granted in our line up has stood up. During our meeting when our jackass coach was telling our fast bowlers on how to bowl at the Pedophile Priest, he had said that we will play on a new wicket and hence the ball will have carry etc. But now it turns out that we are playing on the same wicket that was used for both matches yesterday. I had gone to the room of our fast bowler Little John. His state-mate was also there. Little John was hopping mad at how the coach hadn’t even done his home work and was misguiding us. I asked him how does his affect his strategy. He blabbered something like “strategy kya hai yaar, lekin pata toh hona chahiye na ki pitch kya hai”. Little John says that his very very special friend Ram, who is playing against us today, mentioned it off-hand expecting us to know this already. After that Little John barged into the Coach’s room and let loose. I can only imagine Little John standing in front of our equally little Coach and screaming in his wierd, hoarse voice, “You tell new pitch. But it’s old pitch. How you tell how to do balling when you dont know pitch”.

It’s still raning guys… We may not get a game

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Lord not opening

Published on April 19, 2009 in Best of FIP, IPL 2009 and Latest. 37 Comments

Just out of the team meeting held in the Coach’s suite. Skipper did most of the talking. He is opening with the Calypso King. Lord Almighty is at No. 3. Some bull-shit about using his experience to guide the middle order, similar to what the other 2 of the troika did yesterday. Lord sat there straight faced. Didn’t say much. Didn’t smile at all. I was standing at one corner straight across the Lord. And given my height and stature I can go quite unnoticed. I was observing the Lord carefully, each twitch of his eyes, every movement of his thumb, his gaze. He is very unhappy and uncomfortable. Being treated like this in front of his bacchas.

Btw, I can see from my window that the rain’s getting harder. I wonder if we’ll get 2 matches in today.

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